Atikah Hajar

OK, I was tagged by Atikah Hajar!

The tag was the most unusual tag I've got. Not like those boring tags where you have to tell about yourself, or what you eat and stuff. This one got me excited because it was a  drawing tag!!

damn. the last time i used paint was like... 12 years ago? with windows 95's paint . can u imagine. hahaha. so many differences now.. This tag is about, DRAW AND INTERPRET HOW YOU FEEL TODAY.

so here's the thing. today the result had came out.

5 seconds later..

today could've been the most happiest day in my life. but it turned out i didn't know what to do wif my life after seeing that result. 

at first i tried to calm down and not to cry. so after checking the result, i just grab my car key and went to pick up my family at their schools. but after i pick up my mum, i couldn't hold my tear anymore. and yes i cried.

i'm tired of this repeating life dilemma again. believe me this is not the first time. the first one back then when i was in standard six, when i didn't manage to get 5A's for my results. first, i was so down and depressed at that time. i was so frustrated and don't know what to do with my life anymore. my hope of studying at SBP flew away just like a feather in the middle of ocean ( lol bad metaphor). but then, it turned out that my lower secondary school is not bad at all. i was so happy at my lower secondary school and i managed to get 8A's for my PMR. then i couldn't be more happier when i got the offer to enter SASER.

but then it turned out SASER is like a living hell to me. i struggled a lot. it was so depressing when you need to study to the max. i was so sad my grades were so poor. but then, i got straight A's in SPM and i couldn't be more happier. at that time i just can't wait to get the offer to study overseas.

again, the dilemma repeats itself. i didn't get any offer to pursue my study oversea. i was so disappointed and depressed. then i entered foundation in TESL. during the first week studying there, i knew a lot of my friends said that "Saif bajet", "muka sombong". but as time passed by, i enjoyed studying there. i love my friends. they keep me alive. and the subjects were so light like i never had any headache while studying TESL. and i was so happy and can't wait to pursue my degree in TESL.

AGAIN. the lightning strikes once again. i didn't get the offer to pursue my study in B. Ed. TESL. i got MASSCOM! and most of you keep comforting me like saying, "alah saif, biasa la nanti lama-lama kau jatuh cinta. kau boleh punya." 

boleh memang la boleh. tapi sampai bila nak mcm ni? this repeating dilemmas in my life makes me feel awful and i'm sick of it. 

at first i was extremely sad. but then it came across my mind, i can't study TESL anymore, but that doesn't mean i cant be an educator. right? so here's the thing. first, get a degree in masscomm, then i'm going straight for master and maybe Ph.D. then i want to be a lecturer. MARK MY WORDS CAUSE I'M NOT GIVING UP ON EDUCATION!

and a very special thanks to all my friends who comforted me today especially najib,farid latiff, fuad wahab, atikah hajar, emma lisa, dae iman, fawwaz najmi, haikal isa, zulhilmi zulkifli, zaim ismail, rafiq yusof, hanisah zulkifli, nasriah ramli, capiq and atiq safirah (yeah she called me just now) and also to other friends who i forgot to mention. you guys are so kind and supportive towards me and omg. i think i wanna cry again. ok i think i wanna stop. you know you love me :)

p/s: i think i dont need to tag others because tika already tagged EVERYONE! hahaha